


The Healing Process

by oreganoless



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Reader-Insert, Self-Insert, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28796847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreganoless/pseuds/oreganoless
Summary: You tend to Levi’s wounds when you find out he hasn’t done it himself.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 100





	The Healing Process

**Author's Note:**

> Brief description of injuries. No graphic description of self-harm.

Being a scout was extremely taxing work. Your body ached from sore muscles and healing bruises. Your mind begged for sleep and a break from the madness outside the walls. Some days, you would take pride in your skills and your ability to protect humanity. Thinking about all the smiling faces that welcomed you back after every expedition warmed your heart. Most days, however, you felt useless and cold, ashamed of taking up spaces that your fallen comrades deserved more than you. The most recent battle had left you feeling a little more worn and useless than usual.

You were on Squad Levi and had been sent out to kill any titans left within Trost. The new cadets had been a massive help in handing out equipment, guarding headquarters, and protecting Yaeger’s titan. You had hoped that the burden of fighting would be lifted somewhat considering the number of people helping, but you were too stressed to notice a difference. The past few days of killing titans and gathering fallen soldiers had been tiresome and shocking, although you had come out of it practically unscathed. Levi on the other hand had not.

Despite his reputation, he was still a person capable of messing up moves he had practiced a hundred times over. After landing a blow to a titan’s nape, Levi’s grappling hooks had let go prematurely and he hadn’t braced himself for a landing in time. He fell on top of a nearby building, the cracked pieces of roof tile cutting into his forearm and thigh. He said nothing in reply to his squad’s calls to him as he stood up shakily, bleeding and breathless. You had hounded him to go back to headquarters or to at least find an emergency medic on the wall, but he refused to listen. You hadn’t seen the extent of the damage, only red stains bleeding through the fabric of his uniform. You had hoped he’d be sensible enough to get his injuries checked out after the battle.

You had been wrong.

....

Knocking on the edge of the doorway, you announced your presence to the medic in the medical bay. A tall woman wearing a tan jacket adorned with both the scouting corps and medical division badges looked up at you. She smiled while lifting the cloth mask around her neck back onto her face. Her gloved hands beckoned you to come in.

“How can I help you today?”

“I was wondering if I could have a roll of bandages?”

“Why don’t you sit down,” she motioned to an empty cot on the other side of the room, “and I’ll put them on for you.”

Smiling sheepishly, you turned her down, “The bandages are for my captain, doctor. I know he isn’t likely to come back here to get them changed, so I wanted to give some to him.”

The medic nodded and turned to the cupboards near the doorway to retrieve the supplies. Without looking away from the task at hand, she asked, “Which captain are you speaking of?”

You hesitated, “Captain Levi… He did come here two days ago to get his injuries looked at, right?”

Seeing her shake her head made your stomach fill with worry and your temples pulse with frustration. You should have expected this from him. “But… but what abou-”.

“I apologise, soldier, but I’ve been on duty the last few days. The battle for Trost may have left a lot of people injured, but I would’ve remembered seeing Captain Levi’s face in here. He avoids this place like the plague.” She shook her head in frustration, an indiscernible look on her face.

She expected you to continue the conversation, but when she was met with silence, she looked up to see you lost in thought. Considering that the captain had gone a few days without treatment, the medic knew it would be a pain to get him in the medical bay at that point. Weighing her options, she quickly gathered scissors, thread, a needle, and an arrangement of small bottles. She packed them and the bandage rolls neatly into a first aid case. She mulled over her idea before deciding to hold the case out to you. You were too distracted to notice her pack the kit that you flinched in surprise at her outstretched hands. You looked up to see her smiling behind her mask.

“I _should_ ask you to bring the captain here, but I know it’ll be easier to get him to agree if you were to patch him up instead.” Your eyes widen slightly, making her smile, “Oh please, he trusts you more than he does me. Besides, I’ve seen you do emergency care out on the field before. I know you’re capable enough.”

Taking the case in your hands, you bowed your head slightly and thanked her before turning to leave.

“Please,” she said before you exited, “bring him back here if it’s too much.”

….

You left the medical kit on your office desk before angrily marching towards the dining hall, cadets rushing out of your way as you stormed past them. You knew Levi would be there drinking tea as he always did the days after a mission. You almost felt bad for interrupting his peace. _Almost_. The heavy wooden door of the dining hall swung open, revealing your sour expression. Your hand kept the door open as you stood in the entrance. You were too angry to control your tone, allowing your frustration to seep into your words.

“Captain, I need to see you in my office.”

Your voice was stern and loud, almost as if you were talking to cadets out on the training grounds. The mood of the room immediately grew tense. Levi was drinking a cup of tea while idly talking with Hange and Erwin at the superior’s table. The three of them paused and looked up in surprise at your presence. The other tables filled with hungry cadets quieted to see how the captain would respond. Levi arched a brow at you. You may be on his squad and the two of you may be close in ranks, but you had never spoken like that to him before. He didn’t think today was the day to start.

Levelling you a glare over the lip of his teacup, he replied, “You dare speak to your captain like tha-”

“Levi. Office. _Now_.”

Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel and left as abruptly as you came. Erwin stared in concern at the spot where you had stood as Hange giggled at Levi’s confused expression.

Erwin looked over to Levi and said, “Do you know what that was about? I’ve never seen (y/n) so angry before.” Levi opened and closed his mouth, trying and failing to come up with an answer.

Hange laughed louder, clutching their stomach and rocking back in their seat, “I’ve never seen you at a loss for words! People should yell at you way more often!”

Levi sneered and harshly kicked their shin under the table. Holding their throbbing leg to their chest, Hange wheezed out short painful breaths, “You’re no fun, man.”

Levi could feel the eyes of everyone in the room growing hot on the back of his head. While he didn’t appreciate your tone, he was thankful you hadn’t waited at the door for him like a disappointed superior. Making the walk to your office would be embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as tailing you down the hallway. He quickly stood, the legs of his chair screeching loudly. He looked over his shoulder to glare in the general vicinity behind him. The curious eyes of the cadets fell back onto their partially eaten dinner plates. _God, why are kids so nosy?_ Taking one last sip of his tea, he left the dining hall.

….

You heard three quick raps on your office door. You had hoped it wasn’t someone coming to yell at you for disrespecting your captain, but you had a feeling Levi wouldn’t let anyone beat him to it. When opening the door, you had expected to see someone standing on the other side, but all you felt was a rush of air. _Ah, Levi’s here._ Levi stood behind you looking the angriest you had ever seen him. Just as the door closed, he yelled, “What the hell’s wrong with you, brat?”

Now was not a good time to be testing your anger. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?”

Just as Levi opened his mouth to yell back, you stepped toward him and asked, “Why didn’t you get your injuries looked at?”

He hesitated, not expecting his wounds to be the subject of your anger, “I survived, didn’t I?”

“You and I both know that’s not enough. What if I was the one that fell and got hurt from the rubble? Would you have even let me leave your sight if I had refused to go see the medics? Don’t downplay this just because you think you can take it.” You heaved your response out angrily, expecting him to yell for crossing boundaries or belittling him. Instead, you were met with nothing. He stared at you in silent shock.

You returned the blank expression before moving your office chair and a spare chair in front of your desk. As you undid the buckles of the medical case, Levi took a step backwards in the direction of the door.

“It’s either me or the medic, but one of us is going to patch you up.”

Levi hated nothing more than the medical bay. The feeling of being taken care of, especially by strangers, made him feel disgusting. Despite the sterile environment, he was never able to calm or rid himself of the panic and disdain he felt. The medical bay felt clean the way the morgues were, rather than the cleanliness of the library. He was also known for never taking care of himself. Whether it was due to his fear of being cared for or his inability to wrap a bandage, no one knew.

Placing one of the bottles from the kit down on your desk, you turned to him defeated, “Please Captain, I just want to help.”

That seemed to do the trick. Levi slowly walked towards you and sat down on the office chair. He had wanted to leave the office chair for you but had a feeling you would complain if he tried. He was too nervous to speak, let alone have another argument with you. You kept looking back at him from where you stood at your desk and noticed he was silent and rigid, his eyes trained on the floorboards. You walked over and slowly kneeled in front of him. Your voice was soft and your expression worried, “Captain, could you take off your jacket for me please?”

Levi nodded, easily slipping his left arm out of its sleeve but wincing at the movement of his right. He lifted himself off the chair to get his jacket out from behind him but in doing so, brought your attention to a rip on his pant leg. The rip ran across the top of his right thigh, just about where he had gotten hurt. You internally groaned at the thought of him not even washing his wounds.

“Are you wearing the same clothing as you were the day you got hurt?”

“Just the pants. I washed them since last time. Didn’t want to get blood on my other pairs… these are already ruined.” He spoke gruffly and in short bursts. You nodded and smiled to show him you appreciated his effort.

Your attention turned to his arm and his bloody sleeve. It was clear he hadn’t wrapped it, letting his sleeve do the job for him. _So much for not staining his good shirts._ Sitting on the chair opposite of him, you gently held his forearm and grimaced at the fabric stuck to it. You tried pulling the grey shirt sleeve away from the skin but earned a wince from Levi.

“I’m sorry, but this will probably hurt a bit.” He nodded. “Say something or tap me if you need me to stop.”

You slowly tugged the sleeve away from the wound. It gave way easier than you had expected, but the captain’s eyes were clenched shut in pain. The fabric had probably reopened some of the scabbing; the fact it wasn’t treated in the first place didn’t exactly help. The gashes were worse than you had originally thought, three deep cuts running diagonally across his forearm. Grabbing a cloth and one of the bottles from the kit, you soaked the fabric with water and gently pressed it to his arm. You were busy washing his wounds when you felt him staring at you. Looking up, you caught his gaze and he seemed significantly calmer than before.

“Captain?”

“Keep working, brat.” He wasn’t smiling, but his voice was lighter. You brightened in response.

….

While disinfecting Levi’s wounds and wrapping his thigh with bandages, the two of you had moved closer together. In order to keep his thigh lifted off the chair so you could more easily bandage it, Levi’s right leg had been hooked over your left. You didn’t mind the contact, in fact, you missed it quite a bit. Most of your friends and comrades weren’t the biggest huggers, safe for Hange. You just hadn’t expected the next physical contact to be with your captain. You felt touch-starved just thinking about it.

“Sir, these gashes are too wide to be left as they are. I’m going to have to stitch them.”

Levi straightened at the suggestion, “Are you even qualified to do that?”

“I’ve done it before, but your cuts are wider and rougher than the ones I’ve stitched. I’m not sure if the numbing balm will be enough for this.”

He hesitated before concluding, “You’re asking me to go to the medical bay, aren’t you?”

You sighed while thinking it over. It would be a lot easier to leave the more difficult procedure to the medical professional with the right tools. The numbing balm did well to lessen the pain of stitches to clean cuts, mostly ODM training accidents. These cuts weren’t anything like what you had experience with. If you messed this up, Levi would be in immense pain and you wouldn’t be able to stop the procedure until it was over. You refused to accidentally traumatise your captain.

“I trust the medic with this way more.”

You braced yourself for the argument that would inevitably arise at the mention of the med bay. You respected that your captain had some kind of past with doctors or maybe even medical equipment, but you really didn’t want to argue anymore today. Levi had gone so long without medical attention that you contemplated sucking it up and performing the procedure yourself, but your nerves were too high. While you were stuck in your thoughts, he stared at you in contemplation, his expression unreadable. The intensity of his stare had you looking away, but his line of sight never moved.

Levi broke the silence, “Fine, but let’s make it quick.”

“W-what?” A second ago, you had mentally prepared yourself to drag him to the medical bay and now he was volunteering.

“I said I’ll go. Help me up before I change my mind.”

Gently unhooking your entangled legs, you offered your hand to him. He used his uninjured arm to hoist himself up and lean some of his weight onto you. The vulnerability of the whole situation and the pain from his wounds left him weak in the knees. He let go of your hand and grabbed onto your bicep to balance himself; your hand hovered behind his back prepared to catch him if he faltered. You slowly lead him out of your office and down the hallway.

A knock on the doorway caught the attention of a medic slowly chipping away at a neat stack of paperwork; it was the same tall medic that you had spoken to earlier. She raised her head to smile at her visitor but was surprised to see Levi on your arm. Standing from her seat without a word, she turned to the cupboards next to her desk and began collecting the necessary supplies. You carefully walked Levi into the room and lead him to a clean, empty cot. He sat down on the edge of the mattress but never let his grip loosen.

“…Captain?”

Tugging on your arm, you took the hint and sat down next to him. You pried his hand from your bicep and laced your fingers with his. You bent your head down trying to find his eyes hidden behind his bangs, “It’ll be ok. We won’t be here for long.” His shoulders remained tense.

The medic approached wearing her mask and gloves, carrying a small tray of supplies on the seat of a stool. She set the stool down in front of Levi and placed the tray on the nightstand. The tools were being meticulously wiped down. You could feel Levi’s pulse quicken against the inside of your wrist; his leg bounced restlessly. Worrying your presence was making his anxiety worse, you said, “I can stand outside if that would make you more comfortable.”

He quickly lifted his head to make eye contact with you, almost surprised by your offer. Flitting his gaze off to the side in contemplation, he hesitated and then squeezed your hand in response.

_Please stay._

Before you could even react, the medic turned to face the both of you with a prepared syringe in hand, “Are you ready to begin, Captain Levi?”

You rested your free hand on his shaking leg to try and comfort him. Your touch felt grounding and his bouncing leg calmed. Levi nodded his head.

….

After the procedure was completed by the medic’s skilled hands, she offered Levi a cot to stay in for the night. He hurriedly refused and asked you to lead him to his private quarters instead. While you hooked his arm over your shoulders for support, she chuckled at his urgency to leave. Before seeing you off, the medic told the both of you how to tend to his stitches and reminded you to bring back the supplies you didn’t need. With a smile on her face, she watched you head towards his room, Levi slowly walking next to you.

Pushing the door open with your free hand, you helped Levi into his room and onto the bed. His shoulders relaxed and he sighed, relieved to be away from the medical bay. He felt too high strung to sleep though. Opening his eyes, he saw you standing attentively in front of him.

“Do you need my help changing?”

He raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Your arm and leg still hurt; it’ll be easier on your body to have someone help you.” You shifted in place, “I won’t force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

He internally groaned thinking about how inconvenient it would be to change on his own. He had changed by himself the past few days, but he wasn’t willing to go through the whole ordeal again, “Fine.”

Levi pointed towards his dresser and directed you to his night clothes. You pulled out a large, short-sleeved shirt and a loose pair of pants. Placing them in a neat stack next to him, you motioned for him to lift his uninjured arm. You pulled most of the grey sweater off, bundling the fabric; you carefully guided his injured arm through the sleeve to not let it brush against the shirt. The new shirt was big enough not to give you problems. Crouching down, you unbandaged his thigh, letting him remove his pants. You kept your eyes down to give him privacy, “Would you like me to put the fabric bandage back on?”

“The gauze should be fine on its own.”

Guiding his feet through the pant legs, Levi balanced his weight on your shoulder and stood to pull the pants up. He sat back down feeling more tired than before.

“Sir?”

“You only call me that when you’re nervous. What’s wrong?”

You hesitated, “Please be more careful.”

Levi looked at you with a confused expression, “I can’t help if my gear fucks up.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

The two of you sat in silence. You gave him a chance to respond, but he didn’t look as though he was going to. “It’s ok if you don’t like the medics. I won’t force you to go see them, but if you need medical attention, please ask me, or Hange, or… or-”

“You’re a hypocrite.” His response surprised you. “If I have to ask for help, then you have to do the same.”

“But I go to the medics wh-”

“I don’t just mean physical wounds. We can all see how you struggle, shithead.”

You stood in front of him in shock. The room suddenly felt a lot bigger and emptier than it did before.

You hadn’t realised that your friends had noticed your struggles with mental illness. Keeping your mental health issues a secret and putting up a front were your main priorities. You felt embarrassed that you had let your mask slip so much. You couldn't say you were as dedicated to fronts as you once were, considering how withdrawn you had been as of late. Everyone around you had been through similar or worse experiences; so many had lost homes, loved ones, and parts of themselves. You couldn’t just complain to your captain when you knew he had had such a rough life. You had to remind yourself not to compare traumas, but the guilt wouldn’t ebb. You were so scared of burdening others with your emotions and addictions.

_Wait. If he saw me struggling with my mental health, does he know about…?_

Your right hand wrapped around your left forearm, as if to protect the scars hiding under your sleeve. You looked up to see Levi staring at you with gentle eyes. He didn’t seem angry or impatient. Despite, the oncoming anxiety attack crawling its way up your spine, you wanted to know more, “What did you notice?”

“Shit, what isn’t there to notice? When you suddenly shift emotions, when you don’t speak unless spoken to, when you isolate yourself. There are days you refuse to eat or drink or bathe. Moblit, Hange, Mike, and the squad have all noticed.”

You were getting stuck in your head again, consumed by thoughts of letting down your friends when Levi interrupted your spiralling, “We go through so much shit in our lives, it’s normal to not know how to cope with it. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’d rather have you venting to me or Hange than holing yourself up in your room.”

“…Thank you, sir.”

“Enough with the ‘sir’, (y/n).”

You were so worried that your friends would be ashamed or annoyed if they found out about your struggles, but your captain’s reassurance immediately calmed you. The anxiety buzzing in your throat slowly faded; the grip on your arm loosened. You felt warm and safe, almost as if your brain trusted Levi with those hidden parts of yourself. You had only ever talked about your troubles with people who were no longer with you. That fuzzy feeling of complete trust was something you missed, and you wanted the moment to last longer.

“Levi?”

He hummed in response, eyes still watching you.

“Can I take you up on your offer to talk now? Maybe over tea?”

“Are you ok with going back into the dining hall to get us drinks after your outburst?”

You shrugged, “I don’t mind, the cadets are probably scared of getting on my bad side now.”

He quietly chuckled and you saw that as your cue to go. As you turned to leave, you saw Levi smiling, “Don’t keep me waiting.”

You nodded and quickly left on shaking legs. You hadn’t been vulnerable in front of someone else in years, the anxiety was to be expected. Still, you couldn’t help the spark of hope in your chest. Letting go and depending on someone else sounded like a much-needed break. Your pace to the dining hall quickened as your body urged you to go back to Levi’s room. Maybe, just this once, you would trust yourself to him. Maybe you would be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fic! I’m so excited! I’ve been writing stuff for years but have never posted any of it. I’m so happy that my first fic is an Attack on Titan one! I’ve been watching the show since 2014, so it’s really nostalgic to be more active in the fandom again.  
> The reader is gender-neutral cause I’m t i r e d of reading female!reader fics. Enjoy!


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